Instead, I questioned whether he actually really did love me. I wasn’t ready to lift the veil of my delusion… The addictive chemistry started to dissipate and I started to see him for what he was… are you ready for it? He was a … human!!!īut this revelation didn’t come to me then. Sure, they were looking out for me, but, hey, they didn’t know him like I did.Īnd then it happened. When my ex and I were together, he had my undivided attention, and when we were apart, I had this uncontrollable yearning for his enchanting presence, his magnetic touch, and his captivating voice.Īnd you know no one could say anything wrong about my beloved, back when he wasn’t my ex. Yes, I admit I was addicted to my fantasy. I dreamed about him when I was asleep and when I was awake. I called my ex “the man of my dreams” and he really was. I swear every joke he ever told was the funniest thing I’d heard. I was fixated on the illusion of falling in love with my ideal soulmate, the one who would make me whole. I would chuckle sarcastically thinking, how is it that I don’t drink, yet I actually wondered whether I was drunk the entire relationship! I would tell you how he manipulated me, abused me, and broke my heart in a billion and a half pieces. What I do know is that I still love my ex, and instead of focusing on how it ended or why, the “what ifs” of our relationships, and the conundrum of who’s to blame, I’m choosing to stop demonizing the one person I idolized the most.
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